“Over the years, the only thing these devices have been successful in cleaning is my wallet,” laments Tom Freemire. “I was fed up with these so-called chain cleaners just dispersing what grease and grime was once localized on my chain – in effect, making a small mess larger. My chain may be clean, but everything else within a ten-foot radius now has grease on it.”That was before Tom experienced the Chain-Inator 9000.
“The local snooty pro bike shop had one, so I inquired about the prospect of private ownership. At first I was dismissed as a nutter, but then they realized I was serious.”
With a price tag of just over $12,000 the new Chain-Inator 9000 may be out of reach for some, but for those seeking a completely mess-free and thorough bike chain cleaning and lubrication device, no price is too high.
Freemire was game.
“I figured it was worth it. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. I’d rather pay twelve grand now, than drop $40 every few months for the latest fad in chain cleaning.”
Included in the Chain-Inator price tag is a continuous maintenance contract.
“This thing comes with its own waste disposal system,” continues Freemire. “Once a month, guys in haz-mat suits show up in a helicopter to refill the solvent and lube tanks, and to empty and clean the waste reservoir. Awesome! The neighbors think it’s a terrorist attack, but that’s part of the enjoyment of Chain-Inator ownership.”
Though happy with his new chain cleaning device, the Chain-Inator 9000 has its drawbacks, namely its size. “One of our cars has to sit outside now so that we can put the Chain-Inator in the garage,” explains Freemire. “My wife isn’t happy that she now has to park her Jag in the driveway, but there’s no way I’m letting the Chain-Inator sit out in the elements.”
Another drawback, continues Freemire, is that “Suddenly, everybody in the (Upper Westminster Cycling) club wants to be my friend – and oddly, have their chain cleaned. What a surprise.
“I say, ‘Sure! Just drop off your bike with a nice bottle of Cabernet.’ Some Silver Oak or Opus One and they might have it within the hour.”
What about Two-Buck Chuck?
“It may be a week or two.”
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